It’s almost over


It has been forever since I’ve written. Not sure why,
probably just that life has gotten insanely busy. Mobile children
do that. The point of this post. Breastfeeding. Or, rather, the end
of breastfeeding. A daunting task. They don’t prep you for it. They
throw stuff at you, left, right, and center, about how to start,
how to get a good latch, whether you should have the baby on a
schedule, whether you should supplement, when you start solids, and
countless other ‘shoulds’. But what about stopping? Weaning? What
does that look like? How do you do it? For all intents and
purposes, I got to find that out last week. (I will say that we
aren’t completely done. He does nurse for a couple minutes in the
morning still). A week ago I tried to put C to bed like we normally
do: dinner, bath, get dressed, nurse, in bed. But we had a hiccup.
He wouldn’t nurse. I mean there was full on pushing away from me
and crying. If you ever want to feel totally rejected by your baby,
this is how. No matter what I did, he cried and fought it. I
panicked. I didn’t know what to do. I had thought about weaning,
but I was going to wait till the New Year. At least until we were
done with our Christmas traveling. But apparently he had other
plans. So I yelled down to J. He held C and rocked him while I
battled tears and made a couple calls. First to N. She nursed
longer than most moms I knew. Surely she’d have advice.
Unfortunately, she was out and somehow her husband just couldn’t dish
out the advice on this topic. (N did call me back and was a HUGE
help. Thank you.) I naturally then called my mom. She calmed me
down. Told me her thoughts. Prepared with that and some mommy
instinct, I tried again. We changed locale, I tried to calm him
down, he latched for maybe a minute and was done. He was fighting
all attempts at trying again. So I rocked him to sleep hoping that
it was a one time deal. The next morning made me think it was a
fluke. He nursed, everything was great. Until nighttime. He wanted
nothing to do with it. I tried briefly the next night with no
avail. And since then, we now have a new bedtime routine and no
more nursing before bed. I’m sad. It sucks. If it had been a mutual
thing, I think it would have easier, but there were no warning
signs. One night fine and the next we were done. I haven’t fully
dealt with the emotions yet. I think I’ll ignore them until we are
truly finished. And I’m hoping to make it to 14 months with the
morning nurse. That is another couple weeks. But then again, maybe
he doesn’t want it. We shall see and we’ll roll with it.


One response »

  1. Oh, I’m sorry about the emotionally difficult process this is going to be (the tone of your writing says it all), but you have the consolation that you’re raising an independent little one (he knows his own mind, he does!).

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